Reflections

I honestly believe with all of my heart that God prepares us for things that will come about in our lives.  One of those things that happens to you and you have no clue that it is preparing you for what lies ahead.  It is only when something happens to you, sometimes years later, that it hits you.  I was prepared for this moment long ago and I am not alone, I will be alright.  My moment hit me this week, it may have taken me over 2 years to realize it but it hit me.  If you have been following my blog for a while or look back at older posts, you will see that my oldest daughter has Epilepsy.  She was diagnosed back in August of 2009 after having a seizure in my arms.  The visuals I have of that morning are still terrifying to me and I think I have been so focused on her treatment and spreading awareness and everything else going on in my life that I never sat down and realized, almost 6 years ago, 4 years before she was ever diagnosed, I had a taste of what my life was going to be.

We used to live in Virginia.  Because we were so close to Washington DC, we would travel there every now and again and see the sights.  We had the hotel we always stayed at and were able to walk to the metro stations and take ti around all over the city.  I am not sure of the name of the station that was near our hotel but it had a huge escalator that got you underground to the metro.  I am not sure if I am giving the size of this thing any justice by just saying huge, this thing was more than huge, I am sure if it went straight up and down it would be at least 8 stories tall.  You could not see the bottom when hopping on it and halfway through, you could no longer see the top.  It is not terrifying, it goes slow but being on an angle really screws with your head.  I think it was our second trip up to DC and we were once again on the gigantic escalator, looking forward to spending a day in our nations capital.  About halfway through, a woman who looked to be in her 20's collapsed.  A gentleman with her jumped over the rails and used the stairs (I forgot to mention the stairs that ran in the middle of the escalators, if you were a super athlete and wanted to use them) to run to the bottom and turn the escalator off.  Some people around the woman were screaming but the people with her remained calm and asked everyone around them to calm down as well.  The escalator eventually stopped and within minutes they had the girl off and being taken to the bottom by using the stairs.  I was pretty shaken.  What the heck just happened?  Would she be ok?  I remember my oldest asking if the lady would be ok and I told her I didn't know but it looked like they knew what they were doing.  After the escalator started moving again and we made it to the bottom, the girl was sitting on a bench drinking a bottle of water and people around her were making sure she was ok.  Since we had to wait for out train, we were able to hear them talk to others.  I heard things like "yes, she is ok, this happens all the time"  "She is ok, the seizure was a typical seizure for her", they kept asking if she felt fine and she was responding as if nothing had happened.  I was very confused.

Who knew that 4 years later I would be in the same spot.  Only, it wouldn't be routine for my family.  That morning brings back bad memories, seeing her not breathing, her lips turning blue, her body violently shaking in my arms and her unresponsive for more than 30 minutes after, we thought she was gone.  After those 30 minutes she was ok.  She sat up and was eventually smiling, able to answer questions.  We took a couple ambulance rides and were admitted to a children's hospital in our area where she went through numerous tests and was diagnosed.  I sat in awe this week after remembering our DC trip.  That could be us one day, seizures can come even when you are on vacation, they don't care where you are. 

Another thing that hit me from that day was the way it was all handled.  They knew what they were doing, they knew what to tell the people around them and they knew the kind of help their friend/daughter/sister, whoever she was, they knew what she needed.  I did not know what to do that morning.  Luckily my mom and my daughters father were there and were able to tend to her while I called 911.  But they still made mistakes and it is all because we as a society don't know what to do.  We may vaguely remember what was told to us years ago, put something in their mouth so they don't swallow their tongue.  Did you know it is impossible to do that?  This week a friend of mine shared a clip form the Dr.Oz show.  He actually went over seizure safety, never before have I seen this on day time television.  It was a great clip, he pulled a lady form the audience to help and show what she would think to do (which was obviously not right) and then he proper things to do.  If you have a couple of minutes, please watch the video and be informed.  You never know if something like this can happen to your loved ones or if you see a stranger who needs help.  My friend Julie who lives in Japan told me that she was at a local market and saw a lady having a seizure and everyone was standing around watching her, not knowing what to do.  She was amazing and stepped in.  I am sure I don't have to tell you how amazing that act is to me and how much she means to me, she is a rock star!  So, please watch and be like Julie, help someone when they are in need!!!

http://www.doctoroz.com/videos/seizure-first-aid

Epilepsy Awareness Month is next month and I am planning some special events.  If you live in the Southern California area and would like to get involved, please let me know.  If you do not live in the area and would like to help anyways, please contact me.  Together we can make a difference!!!!!

My Internal Organs Are Working!

How do I know my internal organs are working?  Because I feel these babies in them.......

Yes, these are gallstones and no, they are not mine.  The reason these are not mine is because mine are still within the confines of my gallbladder.  They may look like sweet little pebbles that would look pretty in a rock garden but they don't feel so pretty.  They hurt and they make you nauseous and they need to be taken out in one way only.  So, next week I go in to have a surgeon consult and we discuss my surgery and hopefully I will feel some relief shortly there after.  The good news with all of this?  I have dropped a good amount of weight since even water can kick my butt and send me running for the bathroom.  As much as this weight loss excites me, I do not want to keep my friends within me for much longer.  So, I apologize for not being on here as much, I try to lay down as much as possible and do nothing, ti seems when I do too much they get aggravated and voice their opinion.  I do have some exciting things coming up on my good 'ol blog though.  I hinted a while ago about some flying pigs and pretty soon all will be revealed.  So, stay tuned and tell your friends, I promise it is going to be a good time!!!!

Crazy Day In This Crazy World!

I don't think that October 3, 2011 was a very good day for quite a few people out here in southern Cali.  Mine started out crazy and ended crazy and I am glad ti is now October 4, 2011.  Our first bout of crazy times hit when I realized that my middle girls earring back on her left side was actually implanted within her ear lobe.  After dropping the oldest off at school, we headed to the ER.  It was there that they found the other side was in there as well, not nearly as bad as the other side since I had pulled the earring not knowing it was in there.  So, 2 needles, a scalpel and 2 sliced open ears later, her earring backs were out and in a cup for us to take home.  My girl was brave, she didn't cry at all and the doc repeatedly told me how good she was and even rewarded her with a purse filled with coloring books, markers and clay.  We were able to come home for a brief second before getting my oldest out of school early to head to her neurology appointment.  Little did we know that as we passed a point on the freeway, a shooting was going down on the northbound side.  We soon found out when we got down to the hospital and the freeway was empty and the nurses informed us.  How were we to get home?  Side streets aren't too bad right?  Wrong!!!  When an entire southern Cali freeway is evacuated, it makes side street driving beyond ridiculous.  3 hours later, when it normally takes 45 minutes tops, we were home and feeling very lucky to have not been on the other side of the freeway at that moment.

I feel that I am completely aware that evil exists in our world.  I would like to see the world through rose colored glasses and at times, I do.  I like to seek out the good and bring smiles to peoples faces and have a smile on my own, but I am very aware that not everyone thinks this way and that some people may want to seek out the complete opposite.  I just don't understand driving down a freeway and shooting at random cars.  As I drove home it made me think, how would I deal with that?  I could stop and get us all down, but my younger one is strapped in a seat where she is unable, would she be harmed?  It is such a scary situation.  On the news last night a reporter went to the door of the family of the suspect (who is still out there at this very second) to ask if they knew he was capable of doing this and where he might be, etc.  The sister answered the door and just seemed to not care.  She had no clue where he was since he had moved out over the summer and didn't care where he was.  Not that I feel any sympathy for the man and what he did but I have to think, they seemed so uncaring.  Did he grow up thinking he was not loved and therefore started to hate people, people he had not even met?  After growing up, did he not have friends who cared or  a family who noticed his absence form love and took him in?  It really makes me want to smile more at people, especially those who look like they might need one.  Is it too hard that as a society, as children of God that we can band together and take care of one another whether blood related or not?  I know this is my rose colored glasses speaking but I think a little kindness can go a long way.  There was the story that was circulated years ago about a kid who was going home to kill himself because he felt that no one cared about him.  When he dropped his school books after getting off the bus, another kid came up and helped him and walked him home.  The kid decided not to do it and years later at graduation told everyone in his speech and the friend had no clue he had saved his life.  How amazing is that?  A small act of kindness kept a child form taking his life.  As a society I think we can all step up a little, show some compassion and you never know, maybe you will keep someone from trying to kill others or take their own life!

Lord Help Me!

See this sweet face?  This face makes me smile.  It reminds me of a time when she was tiny, when the only care in the world was what barbie we would play with that day.

This is here now, taken only a couple of months ago and I swear she has grown since then.  How does this happen?  Ok, I don't need the talk about how kids actually grow, it just boggles my mind.  And even more so than the typical "how are they growing so fast?" on their birthdays.  This past Friday we were getting in the car to go to a Girl Scout meeting.  Since my oldest is allowed to sit in the front seat if we aren't going too far, which is crazy to believe as well, how did she grow out of a car seat?!  Well, I got in first after getting the other two strapped into the back and then my oldest hops in the front.  A breeze was sent my way and ti didn't smell like we were in a car, more like we were in a swamp or on a farm.  I automatically went to the "what the heck is that smell?" face and even said it out loud.  The kids all at once said "it wasn't me", we may or may not have a gas problem in our house, lol.  I decided to lean in to my oldest knowing it would not be her and low and behold, IT WAS HER!!  I took her in the house and sprayed her down with pretty smelling things and the very next day we took a trip to get some deodorant.  Now, not only can she ride in the front, she wears deodorant?!  I don't know if I am ready for this.  I was more than ok being the one and only girl in this house using things like that.  She has also been moody, very weird moody.  She wouldn't talk much and said she has decided to be more calm......what?  This lasted for 3-4 days and then she was back to normal.  My mom laughed when I told her I was worried.  She told me, from experience mind you, she raised 2 girls herself.  She told me to watch around the same time every month because this just shows where her cycle will be........her what?!  She is 9!!!  Ok, 9 1/2, she would kill me if I didn't add that 1/2, it just seems so young to me.  So, as my title states.......LORD HELP ME!!!  I am not ready for a tween or deodorant or cycles.  I want to wrap her in a baby ink blanket and rock her to sleep!!!!!!!



Remembrance

Today a lot of people are reflecting on where they were and what they were doing 10 years ago.  Some might say they don't want to hear it but I think it is wonderful that, if for only one day, we are all on the same page and are banding together!I am not going to go into exactly where I was or what I was doing but I am sure my story has similarities to all of yours, I sat in shock wondering what this all meant and crying and praying for those people going through those 102 awful minutes.

I actually started reflecting a couple of days ago.  I was one of the 1.4 million people without power on California.  On the radio station they mentioned it being a terrorist attack.  They said some terrorist severed the line between Arizona and California and therefore, we would be without power for a very long time.  At that moment, it went from your average power outage to a full blown "what the heck does this mean?!" moment.  I went from being excited to not have tv, live by candle light and spend good quality time with my girls to being absolutely terrified.  Where should I go, what should I do?  Do I need to drive somewhere safer, but what place would be safer?  I remember thinking, if I am this terrified sitting in the comfort of my home surrounded by my family, I cannot imagine what it was like being inside a burning building, watching the building right next to yours crumble to the ground knowing it was probably going to happen to yours.  You are alone, your family is not there to comfort you and you are scared......terribly scared!!!  I don't know what I would be doing.  I would hope to have enough strength to get on my knees and pray to God, to find a phone and make sure to make one last call to let my loved ones know how much they meant to me and how I would be there with them, watching over them for the rest of their lives.  Or would I take it all into my own hands, not wait for the building to take me, to end it all.  This picture still haunts me 10 years later.

This picture gets me for numerous reasons.  First, this poor man had to be absolutely terrified, no one in their right mind would jump out of a huge building unless they felt it to be a better option.  Not only that, but he looks so peaceful, almost as if he has come to terms with his fate.  Is he praying, thinking of his family, what he did with his life.  No one knows, there is even speculation on who exactly he is.  This picture just haunts me and puts it all into perspective.  When you see the buildings coming down, you see buildings coming down, you know there are people inside but you see a building.  I guess seeing an actual man who was int he building, falling like the towers did soon after gets me.  I hope we can all remember this unity we feel and share far past this date!  We may not always agree, but we are still mothers, father, sisters, brothers, friends, we all have people who think we are special and we are all special.  God did not create us to hate.  And please remember to pray for our country and everyone in it far past today as well.  Prayer is a mighty thing and brings joy to others and joy within oneself.  God Bless you all and God Bless America!!!

Why Blog?

Last night a friend of mine posted a question on Facebook.  She was curious out of all her friends who blog or read blogs, what they want to read about.  I sat there for a minute and thought about why I blog.  I am in no way a famous blogger and do not have a huge following.  I do not have ads that if clicked, pay me money.  So why do I blog?  My blog originally started as a way for my friends and family to see what was going on in my life.  I lived out of state for many years and every time I got a phone call, it was always the same thing, "what has been going on out there?"  Instead of repeating myself, I decided to write it out and post pictures so when they did call, we could just chat and not have to get caught up.  I was not a very good blogger back then, not to say that I am now, but I had so many pictures and instead of posting pictures that matched what I was writing about, I posted a random picture with each blog post.  That is why, if you read some of my older blog posts from years ago, the picture might seem very random for what I posted about.  I would like to believe that my blogging has been more creative and informative.  I feel like I have been through so much and have grown up a lot and there is hope that you can see that in my blogging.

So, why do I blog?  I blog still so people can be caught up on my life.  I blog so that I have a place that I can look back on and see my growth and the growth of my girls.  I also blog to help spread awareness and bring about change in this world.  Epilepsy is a huge part of my life and I hope that more and more people can come to this blog and not feel like they are alone in their journey and for those unaffected in a personal way, hopefully they can find some info that will open their eyes and give them that little push to get involved. 

So, with that answered, now to what I like to read in other blogs.  If you look on my side bar you will see a variation of blogs that I read almost every day.  Some of them are my close friends and I read them to stay up to date on their lives when I am not able to be with them.  Others are funny and provide fun, interesting and new recipes I would like to try.  Some are for my business of making cupcakes, it is always good to stay on top of what others are doing to stay up to date.  But for the most part, I like to read about other moms and other women and their journeys.  I like to feel like I am not the only one who struggles form time to time.  That I am not the only one who is having to raise her children on her own after a long marriage didn't work out.  I LOVE to read of triumphs, break-throughs and miracles of these very same women.  I guess the common denominator in all of this, I like to read about real people.  People who like to write and express themselves.  I am hoping that my friend who pondered this question is indeed looking to write a blog because I think she would be phenomenal!  Her life, from what I have seen, is a wonderful journey and I feel like she could be a beacon of light to so many!  I love how her one question has made me sit to think about all of this, that right there should be proof enough of her sheer power and what a wonderful blog she would have.  So, what do you want to read about in others blogs?  Why do you blog? 

Where Have I Been?!

There I was, thinking that when my 2 oldest would be in school that things around here would get a little easier.  How on earth are they more busy and complicated when I have one less in the house for a good part of the day?  Guess I have been slacking some in the blogging department.  As I said before, my TWO oldest children are in school.  How on earth did my middle girl get old enough to be in school all day?  I know a lot of people say it but it is true, they grow up way too fast!

She is loving kindergarten and has many stories at the end of the day!  She had me walking her to her line on the first day and by the end of the week, she wanted me to just drop them in the car line.  Not only is she becoming more independent but she is showing just how courageous she can be.  On Friday I got a call from the school nurse, who also happens to be a good friend, who told me that a kid in her class had pulled out one of her earrings.  It was bleeding pretty good yet my small one only wanted a band-aid and be sent back to class.  I was able to talk to her on the phone and she told me about all the fun stuff that had happened, nothing about her bleeding ear.  So, once the bleeding was controlled and band-aid in place, she went back to class.  A couple of hours later I get a text from the nurse saying a kid on the playground pulled out her other earring.  Same thing, no tears, no crying, just a quick "please band-aid me".  I can tell you one thing, my oldest would have been home with the first one milking it for all it was worth........I think I would have done the same thing.  I am learning my middle is thick skinned and can handle what is thrown her way, I am so proud of her!

Something else I am proud of?  People standing up for what is right.  A couple of days ago, a good friend of mine posted a link from Talk About It.  The Talk About It site was created by actor Greg Grunberg.  His son has Epilepsy.  We had the honor to meet him at our Walk To End Epilepsy last year.

He is a strong advocate for the Epilepsy community and is spreading awareness day in and day out.  Recently he saw a trailer for a movie where a guy calls another guy "little seizure boy" as a way to make fun of him.  The actors are not small named actors and they also happen to be friends of Greg's.  Standing up for some people can be difficult especially in that line of work.  If you stand up and say something you may not get another gig again, you may tick just enough people off that you become headlines for all the wrong reasons.  But he didn't think twice.  He automatically tweeted to let people know and for them to ask the production company to re-think their ways.  Some may say standing up doesn't work.......this time it did!  The production company issued an apology and was re-editing the part in question.  How amazing is that?!  It doesn't matter what your cause, what makes you want to make this world a better place, standing up for what you believe in can and does make a difference!  Yes, some may say, words don't hurt.  but try to be on the other end of those words.  Seizures are no laughing matter, they are life altering and the people suffering don't deserve to be made fun of.  This year we are not able to attend the walk but we will be there in spirit.  If you live close enough, please consider joining a team or making your own and walk to find a cure and spread awareness.  If you don't live in CA and can make it to Pasadena on October 16, please consider sponsoring someone who will be there.  My good friend who told me about the above story will be there walking with her son and many others.  If you want further info, you can always go to the Epilepsy Foundation of Greater Los Angeles website or ask me for more info :)

I hope everyone has an great extended weekend!!!