Walking Through Grief

Sunday morning came with horrible news, my Grandfather who my family lovingly referred to as Papa since before I was born went to be with our good Lord in Heaven.  He had been sick for years and recently took a turn for the worse so we all knew it would happen soon but we didn't expect it to be so soon.  My Papa was a strong man, a family man.  A man who loved his wife, children and grandchildren and who loved to keep his Norwegian roots deeply rooted within his offspring.  I have so many wonderful memories with him and don't know how this life is going to be without him.  I do know that it will be a long walk down grief road, a road filled with wishes of hugs and words of advice that will no longer be.  When you say your prayers at night, please remember to send a quick one for me and my family so the road we are now walking down may not be as bumpy as it feels right now.

Sweet Baby Curls

None of my girls have ever had curly hair, so I am loving having these around while they last!!!!

Chocolate Crinkle Cookies

The other day I was in a baking kind of mood.  I had no clue what I wanted to do so I asked our middle one what she would like.  Cookies of course!  So, we found a new cookie we had never made before and they turned out super yummy!!!!  So, making it's first debut in our household, I give you the Chocolate Crinkle Cookie.....

What you will need:

2 cups sugar

1/2 cup vegetable oil

2 teaspoons vanilla

4 ounces unsweetened baking chocolate, melted and cooled

4 large eggs

2 cups all-purpose flour

2 teaspoons baking powder

1/2 teaspoon salt

1 cup powdered sugar

Mix the sugar, oil, vanilla and chocolate in a large bowl.  Mix in eggs, one at a time.  Stir in flour, baking powder and salt.  Cover and refrigerate at least 3 hours.

Heat oven to 350 degrees.  Grease cookie sheet with shortening ( I did not do this, I used parchment paper and they turned out just fine).

Drop dough by teaspoonfuls into powdered sugar; roll around to coat.  Shape into balls.  Place about 2 inches apart on cookie sheet.

Bake 10 to 12 minutes (I did 11 and they were perfect) or until almost no indentation remains when touched.  Remove from cookie sheet.  Cool on wire rack. 

YUMMY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mortified

With all my medical stuff that is happening lately, my doc has ordered quite a few tests.  She is basically going down her list of "could be's", starting with the worst and so on and so forth.  We had a scare with the test for blood clots in my lungs but it turns out they are all clear.  So, she has moved on to my heart.  Today I had an ultrasound done on my heart.  It went ok and am hoping to have the results back soon.  However, the outfit they make you wear to have this test done is horrid.  A well built man who loves his abs must have created this sucker.  I was thinking I would have a hospital gown or something similar.  Boy was I ever wrong!  This thing, this tiny thing was made out of tissue paper.  I was so scared of ripping it in 2 and being completely naked by the time to technician came in.  With the size of this thing though, I might as well have been naked.  The thing barely came together in the front and you couldn't pull it shut, again, tissue paper.  And not only did it not come together all the way in the front but it went maybe 2 inches below the chest line.  Like one of those half shirts from the eighties, only made out of tissue paper and lord knows I am not looking like I did in the eighties.  My muffin top was out in full force for all the world to see.  I am sure the technician was able to find where to put her doppler by following the map laying before her, otherwise known as my pasty skin riddled with proof of 3 babies grown inside.  Like having a heart ultrasound isn't bad enough but they need to make you nervous before they even enter the room.  I was mortified!!!

How Do You Prepare To Say Goodbye?

I can remember sitting in my Grandpa's office, pretending to write a very important note with his pen that was filled with shredded $1 bills.  I remember wondering why one earth anyone would want to shred money!!  I remember typing on my grandmothers typewriter and having my grandpa come up form behind me and give my ponytail a tug and telling me to never cut my hair because long hair is gorgeous.  We lived at my grandparents house for a large part of my childhood.  I got to sit next to my grandpa, ok, I feel weird saying grandpa because he has and always will be papa to me.  So, I got to sit next to papa at every meal.  It was wonderful being able to sit next to him, until he ate his stinky cheese or herring, ugh, the smell.  But now, I wish I could sit next to him, I would sit through many bad smells just to have him next to me at the table.  About 7 years ago my papa started to get really sick.  They said he wouldn't have long to live but here we are, he is still alive but he is not my papa I remember.  And today I got the phone call.  Hospice has moved in and he is in a hospital bed.  The RN says it may only be weeks by what she sees but then again, she is not God and God will take him when He feels like it is time.  So I sit here and remember him.  Remember him being strong.  Remember how proud he was when I walked in the living room in my winter formal gown.  I wish I could scan the picture and show you.  I am standing next to my maemaw and papa, we are by the Christmas tree and they have their arms around me and big smiles on their faces.  My memories are what I am trying to hold on to so I don't completely lose it.  Having a maemaw without a papa just isn't right.  How do I let him go?  I am not ok with death.  I know he is suffering and it is better for him but I want to be selfish and plead with God to not take him.  I was always so happy saying I had never had a family member die.  Then came my brother and now my papa is going to leave us.  It just doesn't seem fair.  So, how does someone prepare to say goodbye?  I want to hug him and hold on to him and let him know how much I love him and how much his presence in my childhood made me who I am today.  That his stubborn Norwegian blood runs deep within me and we are much more similar than he ever will know.  That I wish I could change my name to his last name so I could tell people all about him when they ask how the heck I got the last name Midtsjo.......confused on how to pronounce that one?  Ha, I love it!!!  I love him!!!!  I am dreading the phone call letting me know he is gone and until then, how do I deal?!

Day At The Zoo

Last night we were trying to think of something to do to get us out of this house.  It seems like we haven't really done much lately and the summer is quickly coming to a close.  However, we wanted to keep it cheap and local.  And yes, California is filled with many attractions, however most of them seem to require quite a bit of money.  Something that doesn't grow on trees for us here.  We live really close to Mission San Juan Capistrano and i have been wanting to go see it but I know it would come with many moans and groans and cries of boredom for my children so that was out.  And needless to say, all the other museums I would love to go to were out as well.  I don't feel like being banned from these places.  So, the zoo it was.  And it had to be a cheaper zoo.  The San Diego Zoo was calling my name but if I am going to pay the admission there, I might as well go to Disneyland.  So, to the Santa Ana Zoo it was.  We had a good time, it was not huge or filled with tons to see, but it is also in the middle of the city, you can see the freeway which runs down one side of the zoo.  Wow, I really know how to make something sound appealing don't I?  Maybe this will be a good time to show you my sweet girls with faces filled with excitement.....

See?  Who needs a huge zoo?  All you need is a gigantic fake frog and all is right with the world once again.  I feel it right to also mention that this was the first zoo trip for my littlest one.  She had no clue what a zoo was and why her older sisters were giddy at the mere mention of the word.  Now?  Oh, now I think she gets it, the girl had a blast!!!!  She got to pet a goat (and pet may mean grabbing it by the ears and tugging it around), look at pigs, listen to geese squawk in her face and even take a ride in a mini train around the whole zoo.  Oh, and then there was this moment, my absolute defining moment of the day....

Oh, of only I had taken a video of this or even just recorded the sound.  At this point we had gone down what they call "Monkey Row".  She was super excited to see the monkeys but some of them were tiny and were hidden from plain sight.  I think by the time we got to the 10th cage of monkeys, she was done.  At the end of the monkeys was a camel.  We tried to get her attention but for a good solid minute so just wanted to check out what other kids were doing.  Then, she turned and saw him.  It was followed by the sweet face you see above and big "ooooooohhhhhhh".  She did the "ooooohhhh" and adorable face about 5 or 6 times and it was the cutest thing I had ever seen.  She was so fascinated!!!  The "oooohhhhh" quickly turned into a hands outreached and trying to free herself so she could go and be one with the camel which was followed by a little breakdown when told no.  Later, her older sister got to ride the camel with daddy.

I think that was when her love affair with the camel ended.  As soon as the camel took off with her dad and sister on board, she lost it.  She screamed and looked mortified and reached for them.  She tried to break free of her belt in her stroller and wasn't happy until dad and sister were safe and back on land, ha.  All in all, we had a fantastic day.  It even felt like summer!!!!  And what day couldn't be fantastic when it is ended with this marvelous creation?

The girl is in love!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A Work Of Art

I love my kids and I love when they make art.  However, I am also not the mom who saves every piece and cherishes it for forever.  I keep some that I find amusing and cant wait for them to see as adults and the ones that truly melt my heart.  The others get a brief stint on the fridge and then to the trash bin they go.  Is that bad?  Anyways, Cass has been the only one so far who creates special works of art but Kendall is slowly catching up and figuring out how much she loves to draw.  Her pictures crack me up and I love them.  Last night, on my way to bed, I did my normal tuck in and in her bed I found this.....

They both have their tongues sticking out and they remind me of thing 1 and thing 2 from Dr.Seuss.  I absolutely love them.  They made me giggle and she almost woke up.  I figured I needed a picture to document the rise of her art ability so I snuck it into the hallway and captured it to keep for forever.  And first thing this morning, our little tongue people had been erased and replaced, I wonder what she will come up with next.