Lord Help Me!

See this sweet face?  This face makes me smile.  It reminds me of a time when she was tiny, when the only care in the world was what barbie we would play with that day.

This is here now, taken only a couple of months ago and I swear she has grown since then.  How does this happen?  Ok, I don't need the talk about how kids actually grow, it just boggles my mind.  And even more so than the typical "how are they growing so fast?" on their birthdays.  This past Friday we were getting in the car to go to a Girl Scout meeting.  Since my oldest is allowed to sit in the front seat if we aren't going too far, which is crazy to believe as well, how did she grow out of a car seat?!  Well, I got in first after getting the other two strapped into the back and then my oldest hops in the front.  A breeze was sent my way and ti didn't smell like we were in a car, more like we were in a swamp or on a farm.  I automatically went to the "what the heck is that smell?" face and even said it out loud.  The kids all at once said "it wasn't me", we may or may not have a gas problem in our house, lol.  I decided to lean in to my oldest knowing it would not be her and low and behold, IT WAS HER!!  I took her in the house and sprayed her down with pretty smelling things and the very next day we took a trip to get some deodorant.  Now, not only can she ride in the front, she wears deodorant?!  I don't know if I am ready for this.  I was more than ok being the one and only girl in this house using things like that.  She has also been moody, very weird moody.  She wouldn't talk much and said she has decided to be more calm......what?  This lasted for 3-4 days and then she was back to normal.  My mom laughed when I told her I was worried.  She told me, from experience mind you, she raised 2 girls herself.  She told me to watch around the same time every month because this just shows where her cycle will be........her what?!  She is 9!!!  Ok, 9 1/2, she would kill me if I didn't add that 1/2, it just seems so young to me.  So, as my title states.......LORD HELP ME!!!  I am not ready for a tween or deodorant or cycles.  I want to wrap her in a baby ink blanket and rock her to sleep!!!!!!!



Remembrance

Today a lot of people are reflecting on where they were and what they were doing 10 years ago.  Some might say they don't want to hear it but I think it is wonderful that, if for only one day, we are all on the same page and are banding together!I am not going to go into exactly where I was or what I was doing but I am sure my story has similarities to all of yours, I sat in shock wondering what this all meant and crying and praying for those people going through those 102 awful minutes.

I actually started reflecting a couple of days ago.  I was one of the 1.4 million people without power on California.  On the radio station they mentioned it being a terrorist attack.  They said some terrorist severed the line between Arizona and California and therefore, we would be without power for a very long time.  At that moment, it went from your average power outage to a full blown "what the heck does this mean?!" moment.  I went from being excited to not have tv, live by candle light and spend good quality time with my girls to being absolutely terrified.  Where should I go, what should I do?  Do I need to drive somewhere safer, but what place would be safer?  I remember thinking, if I am this terrified sitting in the comfort of my home surrounded by my family, I cannot imagine what it was like being inside a burning building, watching the building right next to yours crumble to the ground knowing it was probably going to happen to yours.  You are alone, your family is not there to comfort you and you are scared......terribly scared!!!  I don't know what I would be doing.  I would hope to have enough strength to get on my knees and pray to God, to find a phone and make sure to make one last call to let my loved ones know how much they meant to me and how I would be there with them, watching over them for the rest of their lives.  Or would I take it all into my own hands, not wait for the building to take me, to end it all.  This picture still haunts me 10 years later.

This picture gets me for numerous reasons.  First, this poor man had to be absolutely terrified, no one in their right mind would jump out of a huge building unless they felt it to be a better option.  Not only that, but he looks so peaceful, almost as if he has come to terms with his fate.  Is he praying, thinking of his family, what he did with his life.  No one knows, there is even speculation on who exactly he is.  This picture just haunts me and puts it all into perspective.  When you see the buildings coming down, you see buildings coming down, you know there are people inside but you see a building.  I guess seeing an actual man who was int he building, falling like the towers did soon after gets me.  I hope we can all remember this unity we feel and share far past this date!  We may not always agree, but we are still mothers, father, sisters, brothers, friends, we all have people who think we are special and we are all special.  God did not create us to hate.  And please remember to pray for our country and everyone in it far past today as well.  Prayer is a mighty thing and brings joy to others and joy within oneself.  God Bless you all and God Bless America!!!

Why Blog?

Last night a friend of mine posted a question on Facebook.  She was curious out of all her friends who blog or read blogs, what they want to read about.  I sat there for a minute and thought about why I blog.  I am in no way a famous blogger and do not have a huge following.  I do not have ads that if clicked, pay me money.  So why do I blog?  My blog originally started as a way for my friends and family to see what was going on in my life.  I lived out of state for many years and every time I got a phone call, it was always the same thing, "what has been going on out there?"  Instead of repeating myself, I decided to write it out and post pictures so when they did call, we could just chat and not have to get caught up.  I was not a very good blogger back then, not to say that I am now, but I had so many pictures and instead of posting pictures that matched what I was writing about, I posted a random picture with each blog post.  That is why, if you read some of my older blog posts from years ago, the picture might seem very random for what I posted about.  I would like to believe that my blogging has been more creative and informative.  I feel like I have been through so much and have grown up a lot and there is hope that you can see that in my blogging.

So, why do I blog?  I blog still so people can be caught up on my life.  I blog so that I have a place that I can look back on and see my growth and the growth of my girls.  I also blog to help spread awareness and bring about change in this world.  Epilepsy is a huge part of my life and I hope that more and more people can come to this blog and not feel like they are alone in their journey and for those unaffected in a personal way, hopefully they can find some info that will open their eyes and give them that little push to get involved. 

So, with that answered, now to what I like to read in other blogs.  If you look on my side bar you will see a variation of blogs that I read almost every day.  Some of them are my close friends and I read them to stay up to date on their lives when I am not able to be with them.  Others are funny and provide fun, interesting and new recipes I would like to try.  Some are for my business of making cupcakes, it is always good to stay on top of what others are doing to stay up to date.  But for the most part, I like to read about other moms and other women and their journeys.  I like to feel like I am not the only one who struggles form time to time.  That I am not the only one who is having to raise her children on her own after a long marriage didn't work out.  I LOVE to read of triumphs, break-throughs and miracles of these very same women.  I guess the common denominator in all of this, I like to read about real people.  People who like to write and express themselves.  I am hoping that my friend who pondered this question is indeed looking to write a blog because I think she would be phenomenal!  Her life, from what I have seen, is a wonderful journey and I feel like she could be a beacon of light to so many!  I love how her one question has made me sit to think about all of this, that right there should be proof enough of her sheer power and what a wonderful blog she would have.  So, what do you want to read about in others blogs?  Why do you blog? 

Where Have I Been?!

There I was, thinking that when my 2 oldest would be in school that things around here would get a little easier.  How on earth are they more busy and complicated when I have one less in the house for a good part of the day?  Guess I have been slacking some in the blogging department.  As I said before, my TWO oldest children are in school.  How on earth did my middle girl get old enough to be in school all day?  I know a lot of people say it but it is true, they grow up way too fast!

She is loving kindergarten and has many stories at the end of the day!  She had me walking her to her line on the first day and by the end of the week, she wanted me to just drop them in the car line.  Not only is she becoming more independent but she is showing just how courageous she can be.  On Friday I got a call from the school nurse, who also happens to be a good friend, who told me that a kid in her class had pulled out one of her earrings.  It was bleeding pretty good yet my small one only wanted a band-aid and be sent back to class.  I was able to talk to her on the phone and she told me about all the fun stuff that had happened, nothing about her bleeding ear.  So, once the bleeding was controlled and band-aid in place, she went back to class.  A couple of hours later I get a text from the nurse saying a kid on the playground pulled out her other earring.  Same thing, no tears, no crying, just a quick "please band-aid me".  I can tell you one thing, my oldest would have been home with the first one milking it for all it was worth........I think I would have done the same thing.  I am learning my middle is thick skinned and can handle what is thrown her way, I am so proud of her!

Something else I am proud of?  People standing up for what is right.  A couple of days ago, a good friend of mine posted a link from Talk About It.  The Talk About It site was created by actor Greg Grunberg.  His son has Epilepsy.  We had the honor to meet him at our Walk To End Epilepsy last year.

He is a strong advocate for the Epilepsy community and is spreading awareness day in and day out.  Recently he saw a trailer for a movie where a guy calls another guy "little seizure boy" as a way to make fun of him.  The actors are not small named actors and they also happen to be friends of Greg's.  Standing up for some people can be difficult especially in that line of work.  If you stand up and say something you may not get another gig again, you may tick just enough people off that you become headlines for all the wrong reasons.  But he didn't think twice.  He automatically tweeted to let people know and for them to ask the production company to re-think their ways.  Some may say standing up doesn't work.......this time it did!  The production company issued an apology and was re-editing the part in question.  How amazing is that?!  It doesn't matter what your cause, what makes you want to make this world a better place, standing up for what you believe in can and does make a difference!  Yes, some may say, words don't hurt.  but try to be on the other end of those words.  Seizures are no laughing matter, they are life altering and the people suffering don't deserve to be made fun of.  This year we are not able to attend the walk but we will be there in spirit.  If you live close enough, please consider joining a team or making your own and walk to find a cure and spread awareness.  If you don't live in CA and can make it to Pasadena on October 16, please consider sponsoring someone who will be there.  My good friend who told me about the above story will be there walking with her son and many others.  If you want further info, you can always go to the Epilepsy Foundation of Greater Los Angeles website or ask me for more info :)

I hope everyone has an great extended weekend!!!

How To Mend A Broken Heart

Growing up is a tough one.  Before school let out, my oldest found out that her best friend, a boy named Adam would be moving.  He was only moving about an hour away but to a 9 year old, that is forever away.  You see, my oldest isn't the most out-going child.  Once she knows you, she is more than willing to chat and open up but she has a real fear of people not liking her.  She is so scared that someone might say something and has had a hard time with bullies since the first grade.  Back then we didn't know she had Epilepsy and she seemed "weird" to other kids.  She was doing things that we didn't know where they were coming from and kids don't take very well to the kid who doesn't act "normal".  Even after she was diagnosed and started treatment, the meds did not always work.  It took us a good 8 months for her to finally find one that did the job.  In the meantime she would scream in class and not remember it later, she even once hit a kid on the back of the head before screaming and then crawled under desk and cried.  I am not condoning the assault on the boy but i do have to say, she remembered none of it.  It was almost scary when she said she had no clue what I was talking about and later that night before bed, she came downstairs crying her eyes out asking "did I really hit someone?  Is he ok?".  My heart broke.  Girls seem to be the worst in all of this.  There was a gang of girls who stuck together and they were set on making her life a living hell.  The ring leader eventually moved away and things got better but never 100%.  In the meantime, she made a friend.  A little boy named Adam.  I questioned it at first, shouldn't she be besties with a girl?  We surely cannot have a boy over for sleepovers and the typical girlie things, should I tell her to find someone else to hang out with?  I asked her why she liked this boy so much, wondering if it was a crush and she told me "he is just like me, he doesn't say mean things and he makes me feel happy".  During an open house in one of her journals she even wrote about her best friend saying he was "different like me".  Adam is in the special ed class with Cass sometimes so I guess in her eyes, he has some flaws just like she does and they mesh well.  So, besties it was and has been for 2 years.  And then he moved away.  I was never able to get an address for his new place so it seems, for now, they have lost touch. 

Today while I was making dinner she came out with a clay heart she had made at a festival a couple of weeks ago.  It was torn right in half and she was teary.  I asked what happened and she said she was thinking of Adam and it just feel in two.  We did have the talk about destroying personal property in a fit of rage but after that, it broke my heart.  She went to her room and after dinner was in the oven, I went to check on her.  She was sitting in a chair looking out her window with tears streaming down her face.  She told me without looking back at me that Adams favorite color is green just like the grass.  In her hands was her friendship bracelet he had bought her (they each bought one for one another, he actually bought her another one after she bought him one because it wasn't right for her to only have one, so sweet), she wears one on her wrist and the other one was too small to put back on after she had to take it off so she has it in her special box.  When I sat besides her, she melted into my arms and cried.  I don't know if I am prepared for broken hearts!  If she was older and it was a boyfriend, I am totally prepared for the "you deserve better, now lets go shopping and eat junk food" speech but how do you deal with losing a best friend?  As an adult it sucks, I cannot imagine how her little heart is breaking.  As I speak, she is moping.  She wants to snuggle on the couch and just chill and that is not her personality.  I told her I would try to track him down but that was all I had in my arsenal.  So, people help me out here, how to you help your child mend a broken heart?

Four Weddings

Is anyone else out there addicted to this show?  The other day when I was sick, my girls and I played bums and laid on the couch all day.  Between cartoons we would watch cooking shows and other age appropriate things and that is when I came across Four Weddings on TLC.

The show puts 4 brides up against one another.  They all attend each others weddings and give a score for overall experience at the end of the wedding.  Then, after all four weddings have happened, they all give points for first, second and third place for dress, venue and food.  After all points are tallied, the winner is announced when their husband arrives via limo with flowers and a card letting them know where they will go on their honeymoon.  They have been to Aruba, Maldives, Italy, all kinds of beautiful places and I am hooked!!  My oldest and I now watch together, I set my dvr to record first runs and repeats of all episodes and so I can watch whenever I want.  I know it may sound a little much but I love weddings.  And unlike all the other wedding shows where you want them to just get on with it and show the good parts, the good parts are all you see.  You get to see a snippet of the ceremony and then the fun stuff afterwards including the reception.  For the most part, all of the brides have been very sweet with one another.  They are all strangers so they could very well just be mean and talk about how much better their wedding was or will be but they all seem to enjoy the day along with the bride.  This morning I did watch an episode with a major sour puss.  This one chick made the worst faces during one of the ceremonies and then complained about the food and how much she didn't want to dance, it was pretty annoying........she ended up coming in last place by the way.  Anyways, if you haven't seen it but love weddings, I definitely recommend watching some episodes.  Or be neurotic like myself and tape them all for your viewing pleasure :)

Festival Fun

I have to say, living in Southern California definitely has its perks!  Over the weekend on a beautiful breezy beach day, my girls and I were able to head out to the Sawdust Festival.  For those of you who don't know what this is, it is a huge arts festival with tons of art vendors, food, music and kids activities.  It takes place in Laguna Beach, I am sure you all know that area from all the reality tv shows based out of here and yes, it really is that beautiful.  The actual festival sits inland from the beach in a canyon so you don't get any beach views but we did see a lot of this......

Not only did we enjoy the sights but the food as well.  Yes, we ate nothing but greasy food but the kids thoroughly enjoyed it.  Whats better than fish 'n chips with a side of fried veggies?  Oh yes, how about a salad for dinner to counter act all that greasiness sitting in your belly, it was much needed!!!  And not only was the art fantastic but we got to see a magician, get balloon animals and hats, make some crafts and even watch a glass blower make a beautiful bowl.  I can now see why they charge so much for one small item, ti takes so much to make one tiny piece of art, it is beautiful.  And the best part of it all?  My kids did not touch and we did not have to be forced into buying something expensive :)  In a setting where there is glass and art everywhere you turn, a mom is bound to be neurotic with the "no touching" rule and I am sure my girls heard it a million times that day.  However, it all paid off.  While perusing a glass necklace vendor, my girls sweetly glanced at the jewels and marveled at the pretty colors and picked out which one they liked best and the words a mother always wants to hear came out of the owners mouth...."you have such well behaved kids".  Did I just hear the angels sing?  I thanked her and smiled and then smiled at my sweet girls, I was so proud, all of the death glares and threats of "if you touch" (ok, so I don't threaten them but they know I mean business) totally paid off.  It was a great day that ended on a healthy fresh salad and sweet food coma note and I would love to do it all over again!