Welcome To Adulthood......A Little Late

So with the recent turn of events in my life I have found it necessary to get a job.  I am definitely not complaining, I am actually looking forward to this new stage and know that it will bring much happiness in the long run.  However, I have been a stay at home mom for 9 years and the only jobs I have had during that time was working at a mall and working in a restaurant.  I feel like I am very accomplished, I feel like i have done a lot for my kids, I have been a voice for my daughter and her Epilepsy and I feel like I am constantly learning new things and multi-tasking the heck out of life.  What is my kryptonite lately?  A flippin resume.  Even the word brings me to my knees.  Education?  Well, that would be my diploma from high school 11 years ago.  Work?  Cracker Barrell and Bath and Body Works.  Skills?  Many, I can change a dirty diaper while getting my other kid dressed while brushing my teeth and packing a school lunch.  Oh whats that, you don't care?  Oh good, glad my resume is mainly just my name and address.  Has anyone else had this problem?  I feel like I have suddenly done nothing while feeling like I have done everything.  here's hoping I can use those amazing mommy skills and pull off an amazing resume because right now, the outlook is grim.

SYTYCD Part 1,000

If I am not watching So You Think You Can Dance on tv, I am eagerly awaiting for them to go on tour so I can sit front row and meet all the dancers after.  Yes, I am a little obsessed, but in a healthy way.  And yesterday topped it off, it was AMAZING!!  My Aunt and one of my friends both got tickets to a live taping.  This was not only exciting because it was a live taping but they have yet to air who actually has made the top 20 and will be on the show.  I have been sworn to secrecy about who has actually made it but I can tell you this, they are AMAZING!!!  And I am sure people say this every year but seriously, nothing was out of place last night.  They all danced strong and I was in awe.  After some of the numbers, I  was speechless!!!!  And not only did I see the dancers perform, I got to hear the amazing judges give feedback.  People like Robin Anton, Lil C, Tyce Deorio (swoon), Mary Murphy and Nigel Lythgoe.  Can I say how awesome Nigel is?  We were there for 2 tapings.  The one they did in the morning did not have many people there and we got to stand front row to the right of the stage (I am wearing a blue cardigan, look for me, this is the last number where all top 20 dance, during the show I was seated in the middle 4 rows back).  Ok, back to Nigel, amazing power this man has.  There was part of the stage that eh did not like and as soon as he said he did not want it there, it was gone.  he didn't demand it like he was a power hungry a-hole, he just told it like ti was and because of his authority, people listened.  I was a little in awe.  One guy did give some lip and I thought the poor guy might get fired, I kind of wanted to go up to him and let him know who the man he was talking to was and that maybe he should just do it, lol, but none of that happened and Nigel was pleased.  At the later taping,t hey also had choreographers there.  Travis Wall and Sonya Tayeh to name a few.  And can I say this?  I did not get to sit and talk to Travis and I have always been a huge fan.  During his season I lived in Virginia Beach, VA where his mom has a dance studio and we were all Travis crazy.  He seemed like a major jerk!!  I was really let down.  When others were talking and not about him or when other choreographers were being praised for their work, he would sit arms crossed rolling his eyes and the only time he seemed happy or pleased was when they were talking about him.  He really came off as arrogant and it is so sad, it seems like Hollywood and fame has taken its toll on him, so sad!  Some dancers from past seasons were there as well, Robert (swoon again) and Katherine who looks identical to my cousin Jessica who was there as well.  It was just an awesome day and I am hoping I can go to another taping before it stops filming this season.  On a side note, as we were walking form the Grove to the taping for the second taping session, we saw none other than Ice T and Coco.  I know some of you may laugh but I was pretty excited.  And she is gorgeous!!!  I always thought she looked a little trashy but she looks gorgeous in person.  We weren't allowed to have cameras on the CBS property but we did get some pictures before going in late that afternoon......

So, I highly suggest watching this season!!!  Tonight the Las Vegas auditions will air and tomorrow, Thursday, June 09, the taping I was at will air.  It is the debut of the top 20 and it is a must see.  And see if you can spot me and my friends and family.  You may not get a prize for spotting us but, well, just do it anyway :)

Friendship Bracelets

My girl is getting older and has amazed me with some of the things she is into now.  She is not a girl who has a ton of friends and her close friends that she plays with everyday are 3 boys.  I am not alarmed, they are mean like girls are and she has had a hard time with some of the girls in her grade so for her, I am sure it is a safe haven of sorts.  There is one boy in particular, Adam, he has been in her class for the past couple of years until this year.  They really hit it off.  According to Cass in a story she wrote that was in her open house folder, Adam and her are best friends because he is different like her.  Adam and Cass also both go to special ed together and while I would like to say these 2 are normal, I am sure they get told otherwise by their peers.  I think they have the unspoken connection of 2 kids who have slight differences than the "normal" kids and so they have gravitated to one another.  The other day Cass came home sad, it turns out that Adam is moving.  My heart broke for my girl.  As an adult, saying goodbye to friends is never easy, for her I am sure it hurts more.  This boy has been her best friend, her safe place at school, someone she relates too.  Then she showed me her arm, "mom, look what Adam bought me"  Placed on her sweet little wrist was her very first friendship bracelet.  "He said he wanted me to have it so I could always remember him".........we were in the car so between having to drive and having my 3 girls stare at me, I decided the ugly cry was out of the picture.  How sweet is this boy?!  The school is selling friendship bracelets, I am not sure who it is benefiting, but he thought about my girl and wanted her to have something to remind her of him.  That next morning, I gave her some money so she could do the same and when she came home, she had another.  I guess he wanted to buy her another one after she bought him one.  I die!!!!!!  Why does he have to move?!!!  It saddens my heart for her.
Now, here is the funny part.  When we were talking about him yesterday, she told me how when he gets to San Diego, yadda yadda yadda, I had to stop her.  San Diego?  "Baby, that is great news!!!!"  For those of you who have no clue where I live, it is not far at all from San Diego.  If someone in San Diego called me right now and wanted to have lunch, it would be completely possible.  She may not be at the same school with him anymore and yes, she will have to make new friends and hopefully they are as kind, but I am hoping his parents will be on board for us to get the kids together every now and again.  I cannot see her saying a forever goodbye to this sweet boy!!!!
Now I know some of you are thinking it is more, that these two may have a sweet innocent school crush on one another and that may be so, but how cute are they?  Crushes at that age are innocent and they play star wars and battle swords for goodness sakes, it is fun.  Play on sweet children!!!

Is This Thing On?

Wow, let me check out for a bit huh?  As you have read previously, life around here has not been the easiest and I am having to start fresh.  Do I even have to mention how hard that can be?  It really does suck the life straight out of you no matter how happy of a person you are.  And I think my tank is going on empty.  but, I am pushing myself to move on.  Reassessing life can be difficult but I have faith that everything happens for a reason and I will be a better person because of it.  hat being said, life has continued to happen around here.  As much as I have tried to hide in my lonely hole and talk to no one, life has had to continue on.  So, lets catch up a little huh?

A couple weekends ago I was asked to come and help out at an Epilepsy event, to help out at the Danny Did Foundation table.  Danny Did is the amazing foundation that helped us get our Emfit movement monitor.  And not only that, they have been by our side during this new life we live with my oldest.  If you don't know who they are or what they do, please take a moment to stop by their page.  They are an amazing family doing amazing things all in the name of their amazing boy who was taken off this earth too soon.  At this event, I was finally able to meet Cindy and her amazing family face to face.  Cindy has a son named Robert who also has Epilepsy.  He has a dog named Boomer who is always with him and is by far the most amazing dog I have ever met.  And let me say this, when we first got there (after being able to finally hug Cindy), I told her husband Tom that Cass may be a little leery of Boomer, she was attacked by a dog at 3 and has never taken to dogs since.  As I say this, she sits down next to him and he puts his head on her lap.  I don't think they were far form one another the whole day.  Tom looked at me and said "so she doesn't like dogs huh?"  Boomer is a special boy!!!  Not only did I get to help out and spread the word about Epilepsy and SUDEP, I was asked to speak on my personal experience with the Danny Did Foundation.  As I was speaking, I saw some tears and people later thanked me for my words, I am so honored to be able to help in any way I can.  They have done so much for em and my family, I don't feel like any words can ever re-pay what they gave to me!  Here is Cindy, her son Robert, Boomer, Cass and myself, I cannot wait to see them again soon!

The day did not stop there.  After leaving, we were excited because while we were gone, one of our dear friends had come home from Afghanistan.  Sal Vaccaro had been serving for the past several months.  His mom was here and when we got home, we got to give out big hugs, the girls were so excited!!!

We were able to spend some good time with them, we had never met his mother Mary and she was nothing less than a welcomed addition to the family!  My girls loved having here here just as much as I did.  It is always nice to have another woman to talk to!  We even got to take them to some of our favorite spots and we may have convinced Sal to take my girls on this......

Momma doesn't do heights or things that dangle from high places so I stayed on flat land.  Almost a week later, we got to celebrate the birthday of my oldest, she turned 9!!!  How did she grow up so fast?!  I look back to last years post and wonder how one child can grow up so much in one year!!!  She seemed so little then and she still does now, however, she didn't want one single toy this year.  Instead, she wanted clothes, make-up, cd's, gum.......I must admit,spending $1 for gum and getting to mark something off her list seemed way easier than $25 for some toy she will only play with for a small amount of time.  That was indeed good news :)  It is all so very strange though.  And when asked what she wanted to do, she only wanted to have one friend over and to go out and have fun.  So, fun it was.  We took her and a friend down to Downtown Disney and they got to get their hair done.........

By the way, the sweet red head who is doing her make-up, she has Epilepsy.  While Cass was getting her hair done, she keep shaking a little and staring so I kept asking if she was feeling ok.  Obviously, after asking a good 5 times, they asked if something was wrong.  I mentioned she had Epilepsy and I just wanted to make sure she wasn't overwhelmed and possibly having a seizure.  That is when they told me of one of their friends who works there and called her over.  She talked to me for a while, about her journey with Epilepsy, I told her about Cass and she asked if she could help "work on her" and maybe chat.  She basically talked to her about her experience growing up with Epilepsy and how bright her future can be.  And she wasn't the only one employed in that store that has Epilepsy, there was another girl too.  Can I just say how awesome Disney is?!  As much as people don't want to discriminate, ti does happen and to think that someone you hire could possibly have a seizure, it may turn people away.  This place did not, so if you ever happen to go by Downtown Disney, stop by the Disney 365 store, they are pretty amazing people!!!!

After getting all pretty, the girls were hungry and when at Downtown Disney, the coolest place to be is Rainforest Cafe.  Ok, some may concur that it is the coolest however, it is the only place my kids never get bored at.  I actually get to eat my meal because the kids love being there.  And just like last year, the night ended with some fireworks and a nice quiet car ride home since every kid is passed out. 

So as you can see, things may be drastically changing around here and life may be hard, but things keep moving.  I do see the blessings in my life and I feel extremely blessed, and it is in those hard moments that I cling to these times!!!!!  Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers, they mean more than you know!!!!

Life Help

I have never thought of myself as weak, I feel like I am a strong woman and have strong opinions.  I guess that's why I feel so helpless right now.  I will not go into detail as to what is going on, this is obvious a very public forum and while I don't mind people knowing some parts of my life, I don't want my daughters getting ahold of this specific post when they get older.  Letting them know details will have to wait for a more private conversation.  That being said, I feel like I have had the rug pulled out form under me and I don't know how to get back up.  I have had things thrown my way for a while now and feel like I have handled it well and with dignity but even though I may have seen something like this coming, it has hit me harder than I ever imagined.  Has anyone ever been there?  I have always been a happy person who loves her friends and craves that time.  Right now I feel like secluding myself and not doing a thing.  I am not sleeping, I eat only to have it not stay down and doing anything, even one load of laundry feels like I am running a marathon.  I know some people will call this depressive behavior, I do not feel like I am depressed.  I do find happiness, how can you not when you have 3 beautiful children to take care of?  Yes it is work, but they are my world and they can put a smile on my face in the worst of situations.  However, I still feel it.  I feel like it is a shadow hiding and lying in wait until the perfect time.  Like the feeling you are being watched, ti is uncomfortable and then it pounces and reminds you of how bad it is.  I don't know 100% why I am sharing this and I promise I will not be making this blog sad like this form now on.  But blogging is supposed to be real right?  That way people can come and learn something or possibly give some advice because they have been there.  So, that is what I ask.  Has anyone been there?  How do you pick yourself up and try to put yourself back together when you feel shattered into 1,000 pieces?!

Blessed Union

I may be sappy but I get teary eyed just thinking of weddings.  If I could pull off being a wedding crasher, I would totally do it.  Luckily this weekend, I did not have to.  One of my best friends was getting married and I was actually invited :)  It was out at a lake here and though the weather wasn't perfect, the ceremony and reception sure were.  The bride was gorgeous...........

The groom waited anxiously.........

A couple of tear filled vows later, they were married......

It is hard to believe I am old enough to have all of my friends getting married.  Then again, I have three kids so I am not that young, lol, I try not to think about that too often, I am young at heart at least.  The best things about weddings, after the joyous ceremony, it is time to let loose and have some fun.

Congratulations Bre and Chuck.  Your wedding was as beautiful as the two of you.  I wish you many many years of wedded bliss and cant wait until you start having babies and catch up to me :)

Twins?

Man I wish I had a picture of myself at almost 9 to put on here.  It seems like everywhere I go, if someone knows my oldest daughter, they automatically know I am her mom.  I get tons of "hi Cassidy's mom" and "are you Cassidy's mom?"  This morning was no different.  My oldest is in a school play and this morning was her very first performance so naturally, I had to be there.  I was sitting in a chair in the back of the room with the other two little ones and a lady walked by, stopped and walked back and little and said "you MUST be Cassidy's mom!!!"......."Yes, yes I am"......"Of course you are, she looks exactly like you!!!"  I think that all of my kids resemble me, they all have my coloring and eyes but my oldest, it is a little uncanny.  Years ago when their father was on deployment, he came back and was looking through pictures and held up one and asked where I had taken the girls.  It was a picture of me.  Granted, the coloring and the fact that I was sitting in a station wagon without a seatbelt should have given it away, he isnt the brightest crayon in the box.  But it is nutty how much she looks like me.  It is a little annoying getting recognized by people who I may not even know, there was one guy I had a full on conversation with in the commissary who apparently knew my daughter form school or something and somehow assumed through looks I was her mom, I still have no clue who he was but man did he know me.  In the end though, it makes me smile.  I joke around with her and sometimes have her look me in the eye and I tell her "Cass, this (hands all up in the face), this is what your future holds, muahahahahahahah", I never said my kids think I am sane.  But as I was begining to say, I love it to be truthful.  I love having my girl look like me and am so proud to be her momma.  I am in all srts of denial that she is turning 9 this month, how on earth did she become so old?  Her last year in her single didgits.........sigh..........so, if you know my daughter, feel free to know me too, and vice versa, we are twins after all.  And Lord, please let me still look like her when I am 40 or older, that would be a GREAT compliment :)