One of these things is not like the other

Pay no mind to my feet. Yes, they are here right in front of your face, but you are supposed to be looking at the super cute purple zebra that is printed on them. My friend in high school let me know that I have fat little sausage toes (thanks Martin) and I have always known I have fat wide feet with sausage appendages. However, do you notice my fake toe? No? Well, the big toe you are looking at is not mine. I feel so weird and gross saying that. I went with a friend to get our nails done the other night. Mine was much needed!!! I quickly slipped my feet into the bubbly warm water to relax and so no one would notice my feet and start fighting on who would have to touch the feet on that crazy lady. After 5 minutes of relaxing, my lady came over. The first words out of my mouth were apologizing for my nasty feet. Not only was I missing half a nail (and not horizontally which is normal, I don't do normal, so my nail was missing vertically) but my feet were also super dry and yucky. Ever since I was young I have suffered from super dry hands and feet. My hands are not so bad because I can lotion them every 5 minutes but my feet don't get as much attention, therefore making them dry and cracked and well, not appealing. She didn't say it would be ok, she has seen worse, or anything somewhat comforting. She made a face and pulled my feet out to look at them!!! Yep, I know they are bad I responded following 20 million apologies. Maybe I could give the pedicure if she would just do the cute nail polish at the end? Then she offered something amazing and creepy. Creepily amazing lets say. She told me she could make my toe an acrylic toe. Huh? Like a fake toe? I have never heard of that. I have heard of acrylic nails for the hands but do people really do that on their feet? Wow!!! Why yes i would love that I proclaimed and here I am, cute nails and they all look the same. No half toe on one foot!!!!!! I am sure they have my picture at the front of the salon these days, either saying i am not allowed back or to charge me extra because you may want to vomit at the mere site of my toes.