EEG

Today Cassidy had her EEG. My wonderful friend Launa was gracious enough to watch the 2 smaller ones while I took her down there. And she took them while she was working at church and then headed home to her 2 kids as well, she is pretty much wonder woman in my eyes these days!!!!! The test went pretty well. Cassidy was super shaky the whole time we were there, especially when she had to lay on the bed and get hooked up to the wires. During the test she had some seizures, and when they did the light test, the results went off the charts almost. The doctor quickly stopped the test and had her try to relax but it scared the heck out of me. I kept trying to tell myself, "God made you a strong woman to be able to handle this, He thinks you can handle this, so handle it". Granted, Cassidy has it much worse, I am not trying to say I had it the worst out of the 2 of us, but it is so hard to see her laying there seizing and there is nothing I can do about it. And then wondering if this could be the seizure that will cause major brain damage. When I see her seize, there is a part of me that wonders if she will wake up and be different. Of course the policy of the hospital is to tell you nothing (do I even have to mention not being a fan of that policy?). I was told last time I talked to the nurse at Cassies neurologist that she would be reading the results on her lunch break on Friday and then giving me a call. I am hoping she sees all the activity that was recorded and will call sooner. Until then, we are taking it easy. And the good news is that Will comes home tonight. I have no clue what time that will be, he normally would be back by now and he sent me a text to say they were still in the field, so I am thinking it will be a late night. I guess that is good though. He can come home to a nice long hot bath to get all the dirt off and then relax without kids crawling all over him, tomorrow can be the day for that :)

Rough Days

There are a couple of blogs that I read every day and one of them recently was talking about how people like to post their best pictures and tell their best stories on their blogs but they never post the true reality of their lives. So, I am going to try to be a bit more brutally honest on here and I guess that includes today. So, one of the other blogs (not the one I just told you about) was sent to me by a dear friend of mine. She said that the lady has 4 kids and one of her daughters has Epilepsy, so she thought I might like to read it. First off, this woman is very strong!!!! Not only does one of her kids have Epilepsy, which I am finding hard to handle in itself, but her other daughter has a heart defect they have been dealing with for 10 years!!!!!! Needless to say, she is a strong amazing woman. The post I read though was about the one year anniversary of her daughters seizures. Of course it is a date and story that will never escape your mind and she wanted to write about it. It was written so well and so moving and I think it just brought out every emotion I have been stuffing down deep. I started thinking of what we were doing one year ago. And at this time last year we were moving here from Illinois and having a fun time traveling cross country. Cass was excited to watch her Hannah Montana dvd daddy bought her for Valentines day and couldn't wait to do something fun once we got to our hotels at night. She was so joyful and always had a smile on her face. Flash forward to now and it is rare to see her smile. Of course she does smile when something is funny or when she is playing with friends. But you don't see the joy you used to. Even her smile, it doesn't brighten her face the way it used to. It is like we have a whole other kid. Like the day she started her seizures, was the day she died and a new kid was born. It breaks my heart and all at the same time,I know there is nothing I can do about it. She is struggling in school, and not just a little bit, she is falling way behind. And when I tell people, people who have no clue to what it really means to deal with this, it is always so easy for them to tell me to do one thing or another and it bugs the living crap out of me. I have heard "pull her out of school", "have you thought about homeschooling?", "why not find an alternative school for her?" and if I bring up looking at a special needs school, it is always "yes, you need to do that". I hear people tell me that she doesn't look right, her actions are not normal, if I am noticing her doing (enter action here) differently or wrong. YES!!! Yes I know these things and yes I notice each and every move she makes. But no, there is nothing I can stand up and do right now and yes, that kills me!!!!!!! If there was some magic wand I could use to make her struggle less, don't you think I would have used it by now? All the strangers who stare while she is having a break down or tell me that my child is doing this or that, I want to scream that she is struggling. Even if she has a smile on her face on the outside, her insides are confused. She doesn't know up from down for most of the day. Do you want her to actually look like a handicapped child for you to understand that she is mentally handicapped? Our family is dealing with quite a lot these days when it comes to Cass and that includes Cass herself. She knows she is different. She cries because she knows she is different and cant do certain things. And in return, I wait until the house is sleeping so I can stop the strong act and cry myself. For most of you reading this, this does not pertain to you. I have an amazing support of family and friends. I don't want for one second for you to read this and think it is you, because if you are reading this, I love you to pieces and that's why you get to read this, lol. I guess I am just taking this opportunity to be brutally honest and maybe lessen a bit of the stress..................rant is over. I need to go hop in the shower and get ready for my day :)

Oh Kaleena

Yes, oh Kaleena. If I wasn't me I think I would just sit back and laugh at the girl named Kaleena. Why am I so scared of everything these days? Sitting in the hospital room all gowned up, waiting to be taken into the OR, I was freaking out. I was crying like a baby and pleading with Will to not make me do it, lol. I am shocked he was so nice to me because I probably would have slapped myself and told me to man up. Thankfully (I guess in one way), the surgery didn't happen and is now scheduled for the 9th and it will be done in clinic, Lord help me on that one :) The good news I guess was Will getting the day off, we ended up going to Costco that afternoon and buying flowers to plant in the front yard. And that night, instead of being in pain and trying to sip soup, I was able to go to my friends house and hang out with the girlies, so much nicer than laying on the couch taking pain meds!!!!! That day was soon followed by a crazy busy weekend. We had double cookie booths on Saturday and on on Sunday. My mom came down for dinner and we also had church. Which by the way, I had the sweetest girl come up (whom I did not know by the way) and while looking at my stomach tell me how happy she was I had the baby and a huge congrats soon followed. I obliged by saying yes I did have my baby (technically I wasn't lying since Hayley was born less than a year ago, lol) and thanks so much for noticing. As soon as she left Will asked what that was about but I think he knew without me saying a word, I am sure the look of being horrified was plastered clear as day. Needless to say, I came home and ordered P90X off of Ebay and hopefully in 90 days I will be ripped, take that lady!!!!!!!
We also had someone say they are interested in taking Minnie this weekend. I am kind of excited because it sounds like an awesome home she would go to but kind of sad at the same time. We have had her since she was a newborn puppy so I feel like a part of me is giving one of my babies away. I call the people today so I guess we will see. Other than that, it is another get together tonight and I couldn't be more excited. I am even making my brownies that aren't brownies :) If they turn out amazing, I will post the recipe, until then, you will have to patient little people and wait nicely :)

What A Week

Cassidy ended up staying home all last week. She went to school on Monday but her teacher ended up calling and letting me know it had been a rough day. I tried talking to Cass but it didn't seem to help. They had a half day on Wednesday and then had the rest of the week off, so I decided, it was a short week anyway, I would just keep her home so that she could try to relax and hopefully have her body get used to her new medication by the time school started up this week. So far, not so good. Her emotions are so up and down these days and I know some of it is typical acting out but for the most part, I truly believe it is the medication. She is back at school this morning, I am hoping for a good day!!!!!
While she was out of school though, we ended up having a great time. We had lunch with both of my Aunts during the week. The girls love seeing them!!!! And me too of course. Then over the weekend we got to see my friend Daniela and her little girl. We hadn't seen them on over a year so it was awesome. And she is huge pregnant with a little girl, which needs to come out now so we can spoil her rotten :) On Valentines day we headed out to Downtown Disney for dinner at Rainforest Cafe and some shopping. Our friend Sal came along and we met my mom there as well. I ended up with some amazing sandals, mainly because I was wearing the worlds most uncomfortable heels and needed them..........maybe I should try that more often, then Will will let me buy more clothes :)
Yesterday we had the Girl Scouts World Thinking Day. The girls had a lot of fun and Caroline looked too cute in the Norwegian costume!!!!! After that was done, we headed down to see Daniela again, this time to bring her Hayley's old car seat. We upgraded this weekend to a newer one so she is going to have her sweet little one riding in Hayley's infant seat. I wanted to cry, that's the seat we brought our baby home in!!! And since we are done having kids (we think, hehe) that will probably be the last infant seat we own. I think it made it easier giving it to someone we know, but it still made me sad.
Now today I am trying really hard to not wimp out and call of tomorrows surgery. Maybe if I keep real busy I will forget to call and therefore have to go through with it............until tomorrow when Will has to drag me into the hospital for them to sedate me :)

Awesome Weekend!

I ended up keeping Cassidy home from school on Friday. I just pictured her heading to school and playing at recess and somehow splitting her chin open all over again. And this time they wouldn't use glue, they would probably want to actually stitch her up. And it was nice having her home. My mom ended up coming right around lunch time and we had a good little visit. And then it was time for the Girl Scout meeting. My mom was talking to the girls about Norway since that's the country we chose for World Thinking Day. Which by the way is open to the public, so if you are interested, let me know. The bad part of the night was Kendall getting even worse. She has been sick for a whole week now and we thought she was getting better. She had felt hot all day and I took her temp, it was 102.6, and that was after Tylenol!!! I tried putting her in a luke warm bath but that didn't help. So, Will took her up to Mission Hospital to have her checked out, it ended up as an ear infection. My poor sweet little girl. She seems to be feeling better but still doesn't want to eat.
Then on Saturday we went to my Aunts house for my cousins birthday, he turned 21!!!!!!!! We ate at the Macaroni Grill and went back to the house for cake and presents. After all was said and done, and Kendall was asleep on the couch, we played cards and had some drinks. It was such a nice time!!!! I really didn't want to come home, I don't think we have had good adult time in a long time! But we came home, and actually picked up in-n-out along the way. It was horrible because it was 11 at night and no one should be eating that late but it tasted so darn good, lol.
On to Sunday. Kendall was still sick so Will took Cass and picked up our friend Sal and they all went to church. I am really starting to miss it, I feel like I haven't been in forever!!!! After they came home, I took Cass with Amanda and Caroline and we went to sell more cookies. That was followed by good eats and a great super bowl game, I was so happy to see the Saints win!! I am not a Saints fan normally but they had never won before, gotta go for the under dog! Not to mention that after the game was over, the quarterback for the Saints was on the field with his little boy, who was about Hayley's age and he was just looking at his son and then looking around and he had tears in his eyes, so precious!!!!!
So, all in all, minus my poor sicky bug, it was a fantastic weekend!!!!!!

Bring It On

So my best friend Julie and I are both March babies, actually only 2 days apart and she was telling me that she read that 2010 is the year for Pisces. After getting into school and numerous other things falling right into place, I thought, wow, that's pretty awesome, things are falling right into place, this is going to be my year!!!!! I think there is something to say about speaking too soon!! Cass has had a hard time with her meds recently so starting next week we are starting her on a new one. Then yesterday I got a phone call form her school. After I answered the phone I heard, "Is this Cassidy's mom?", I knew immediately something had happened at school. She said Cassidy had fallen and her chin is split open and she needs stitches. At this point, I was still in pj's, Kendall too and she was trying to rest on the couch since she is sick, and Hayley had finally gone down for her nap. The phone call had only lasted maybe 2 minutes and I had managed to get dressed, hair done and Kendall's clothes ready before it was over. Hayley was happy to see me in her room, which meant no nap for her, lol. Kendall asked why we had to leave the house so quickly and I told her Cassie hurt herself at school and we need to take her to the hospital. Which in turn brought about tears and wails of how sad she is that sissy is hurt (so sad, but gotta love the love she has for her sister). As I sped down the street, and I was speeding, I dared a cop to stop me and actually give me a ticket, I need to get to my daughter dang it!! Before I knew it, I was at the school and was able to hold my sweet little teary eyed girl with a big bandage covering her chin. They said they weren't too sure how she fell, she was outside at recess. Her description was that she was playing and heard a "thump" and then she was crying and blood was everywhere. I still have no idea how it really happened but it makes me nervous that she maybe had a seizure, a small one like she has been having, and it resulted in injury this time. Anyways, we headed towards the hospital and picked Will up along the way. Which actually came in pretty helpful, not only for my sanity, but because small kids were not allowed back in the ER. I tried to have Will back there with Cass, I am not so good with the blood and pain when it comes to my kids. But, within 5 minutes of him being back there, I had to go in......she wanted mommy. So, I sucked it up and headed back. She was scared to death of what they might do and the scream that she made just by taking the bandage off made me nervous for them to even try a stitch. They gave her a numbing medicine to hold on it for 20 minutes. I think it was on there a lot longer though. They had 2 guys from an accident come in in pretty bad shape and a mom wailing carrying a limp baby running in soon after. As soon as the doc came in to assess her chin, I explained her Epilepsy, how her meds weren't working and if she gets worked up, she can go into a seizure. She said the wound was pretty deep but they could try to glue it instead of stitch it so it wouldn't be too hard on her. So, that's what they did. They did layer after layer with steri strips to hold it together and she was a trooper. Needless to say, it was a long day, followed by a long night and I am beat. It may be my year but when my kids are having a hard time, it doesn't feel like it.

Me.......busy?

Yes!!!!! Hahaha. Well, the weekend actually went a lot easier than expected. I had a huge baby shower all mapped out and was supposed to execute it this weekend, lets just say that didn't end up happening. I guess that was meant to be though because we were able to spend time as a family and go to a birthday party together. It was a nice little get away from the stress of life, and Cass sold cookies, lol. Sunday morning was the beginning of cookie sales so the co-leaders and I took our girls around the neighborhood for a couple of hours, Cass had some break-downs and I could just tell, she is fighting so hard within herself and her meds, again, are not fully working. I get to make the call to the doctor today, I guess we will see what she has planned. Later that night, we had a friend come over as well as my cousin and his family. We chatted for a bit and then went to Selma's to eat. Selma's is a cute little place down by the beach that I have passed numerous times and have been wanting to try. And I am glad we did. They have the best Chicago style pizza, it was sooooo good!!!!!!!! Then yesterday, after Cass got dropped off at school, the two smaller ones and myself went to Santa Ana to tour the Art Institute. The girls did pretty well, considering they both were on the verge of being sick and were stuck in an office listening to mommy talk with a lady for 80% of the time. The good news, I am in!!!!!!!!!!!!! It seems like everything is falling into place and as long as the GI Bill gets done in time, I will be a student in April!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am so excited. Which brings me to the end of this blog because I am actually supposed to be online writing an essay :)