Honesty

Yay, 2 blogs in one day........................thanks Launa :) After I blog I normally go to see what my friends have been up to and now I am back to blogging thanks to Launa :) hehe. So, here it goes:

Here are the rules:

1. Thank the person who gave you the award and a link to their blog.

2. Share 10 honest things about yourself.

3. Present this award to 5 others whose blogs you find brilliant in design and content.

4. Tell those 5 people they have been awarded.

Ok..................

1. I have no idea who I am these days. I have volunteered my time in so many different directions that I think I may have lost myself in them. I don't feel like the true me is in any of these activities and that's probably because none of them are for me, lol.

2. I miss my brother every second of every minute of every hour of every day. I love him and miss him so much that the pain is too much to handle and so I haven't dealt with it. I have this constant knot in my stomach that aches even when I hear his name. I am afraid of what might happen if I let it all go and actually deal with it.

3. I am nutty. I fall down, don't understand some jokes, have weird sayings that make complete sense to me and somehow sound like I am from Minnesota sometimes when I have never even been there. I have never had a broken bone but that in itself is a miracle. How many times can one hit their head without causing serious brain injury?!!!!! I know the day will come when my kids are embarrassed by me but for now they think I am the coolest mom ever :)

4. I hate my body. Lets not get into my past with this one, lets just be here right now. I have gained so much weight and am so unhappy with it. Today is my day 1 of my diet and exercise regimen. My goal is Vegas in March and I hope to make it, I know I will be much happier with myself then!!!!

5. I love the beach but am scared of the things that live in the water :) I love watching surfers surf and sitting on the sand. But I just picture me going out into the water and having something alive touch my leg, it just freaks me out.

6. And while we are on the "that freaks me out" stuff (God help me I have waaayyyy more than this), I am scared to death of flying. I have flown to Norway and Hawaii as a kid and then Chicago 7 years ago. That was enough to deter me for life. Will wonders how we will travel and see the world, which I want to do as well, and I don't see why we cant do it by a cruise? Then again, big waves tossing a boat around freak me out, whats the name of that movie that has the boat get caught in a huge wave and turned over and everyone but like 3 people dies? Maybe this one should be that I am paranoid of a lot of things. :)

7. I feel like an awful friend!!!! I have the best intentions of calling people, however #1 has me caught up and at the end of the day, I feel like I have failed my friends. I think of them a lot and want to be there for them but never truly reach out the way my heart is aching to. And I don't tell them so they think I just never call and don't care. But if you are a friend of mine, you are that for a reason. I love and care for you so deeply......and hopefully I can get better at showing it to you.

8. I want to go back to work and be a clinical psychologist. I think it would be amazing to work at a mental institute and try to get into the brains of people who don't think normally. This thought freaks Will out every time I bring it up :)

9. I feel like I am just now getting into my "mom groove". I think I have figured out what works and what doesn't. I feel like life at home with the kids is finely starting to go smoother than ever before and that maybe they think I am nice mommy again and not completely off my rocker :)

10. I am scared to death for Cassidy's future as a person with Epilepsy. There is so much that can trigger a seizure and I just picture her away at school staying up late and forgetting to take her meds and then having a massive seizure. My kids being hurt ( and I am sure every mom will agree) is one thing that I just cant handle. I want to wrap her up in my arms and have her live in my mommy bubble where she is safe for the rest of her life. I think it will take me a lot to get to the point of letting her do things alone.

Ok, so there's my honesty :) Thank you Launa for being amazing and doing this first............and then loving ti so much you had em do it, lol. Here is my list of those who I think should do it :)

1. Sheila Stevens: spookystevens.livejournal.com

2. Katie Getz: glimpseofgetz.blogspot.com

3. Kristin Bozarth: bozarthfamily.blogspot.com

4. Matt Stevens: mattstevens7.livejournal.com

5. Rachel Hall: rhall.blogspot.com