Seizures

I really don't think I will ever get used to seeing my little girl have a seizure. And I am not talking about the grand maul type where she is on the ground and unconscious, however that is my main fear with her. Tonight we decided to make cookies and part of the recipe calls for crushed peppermint candies. So, I put them in a bag and started beating them with a meat mallet. Cass was so excited to be making cookies so she was standing right next to me. She was all smiles but after about 10 hits with the mallet it started fading and she got a real serious look on her face. Her eyes started fluttering a lot and her eyes were half in the back of her head. I stopped what I was doing and asked if she was ok, she was staring off into space but managed a "yeah". A minute later though, she decided she didn't want to be in the kitchen and needed to sit down. So, she did and came back when the banging stopped. It is so hard to see her go through this. All it took was a loud noise and her watching me and she was in a seizure. It just scares me, that for the rest of her life she will have to be sheltered from things we do normally everyday. The stuff we take for granted, small things like baking cookies with your mom.........I just don't get it, and I don't like it. And of course she asks us later that night why she has to have Epilepsy and why she just cant be like all the other normal kids. Normal kids? How do you explain to her that she is normal, she just has to do things a bit different? I think I am finally settling in to the fact though that she does have to do things different and I cant get mad that she doesn't want to try things. I think a couple of times I have pushed her in a certain way to try things that scare her, but the look in her eyes, the shear terror, I cant do that. "Normal" or whatever you may call it, is not her normal. It makes me sad for her but I do realize that one day when she is older, maybe she will embrace it more, become an advocate, or when she sees another little girl with that look of terror in her eyes, that she can hug her and let her know it will be ok, because she is ok. I am so proud of my little girl, and so scared all at the same time.